Wamphry Shadows

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 What's Your Story?

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Broken Lizard

Posts : 12
Reputation : 3
Join date : 2013-03-07

PostWhat's Your Story?

I have been a member of this site for over a year, yet I have never posted anything. I never intended on using this website for anything other than knowledge; I was content.
However, educational and medical changes of late have forced me to question myself and my principles. I have been ruminating, to put it bluntly, over my life and my mistakes and the factors that led me, like so many others on this site, into the comforting embrace of the Vampire.
We are all here for the same reason, are we not? To share knowledge and experience? Last night, my past went around and around in my head, and I knew that I needed to share it somewhere that I knew I wouldn't be judged too harshly. This seemed like the best place to do so.
My fellow scholars, read my story, if you will, and I encourage you to leave your own. I am anxious to learn what led others to seek the same end that I do. Perhaps we can learn from one another, perhaps we will not; none the less, here I go.

It all started at nine years of age. I was a happy child with too much energy and an incessant smile, or so I'm told. It was coming to the end of year four when I was approached by another boy whose name I will not disclose. It may be worth mentioning that, way before this event, I was in 'love' with a girl of the same age. Looking back as a much wiser individual, I know that it was not love, but I digress.
The boy approached me and simply stated that the girl had chosen him over me. It took a few days for that to sink in, but the effects were devastating, all the same. I spiralled into a state of deep depression in which I contemplated suicide almost on a daily basis. (Childish, I know, but I was only nine.) At the time, I was reading a set of children's books called 'Vampirates.' I was deeply engrossed in the storyline and I felt for the characters. When my passion was extinguished, I started to hate life and everyone in it. As far as I was concerned, people were evil and should be extinguished. I had decided even at that young age that hypocrisy was wrong, so I went about looking to become something else; something better than human.
I fell in love with vampires. If I could become one with the night, I could truly be the superior to my peers. Two or three years passed, and my passion was still strong. Now, however, I had developed a following; a cult, if you will. They wanted to be vampires alongside me, so I used them. They did the research and the studying whilst I slowly became more of a recluse.
We grew, and we parted. We were no closer to becoming vampires, and our friendship was all but dead. I imagine they forgot about it, about me. But I couldn't. I understood that what I felt for the girl was not love, but the whole in my heart remained, and so the occult filled it. Vampires plagued my dreams and my waking nightmares, taunting me and beaconing me forward.
My research into magic deepened, I learnt some Latin, and I drew more and more into myself. It was at the point now that I couldn't expose my beliefs. I was fourteen, my friends were zealously atheist, and I still believed in monsters. What would you have done?
I now come to the present day. I have just started sixth form, and my eyes have been opened to the rationality and maturity of my peers. I am an outsider; too mature for my own good and harbouring a deep desire to fill the hole in my heart with blood.

If you read all of that, congratulations. Something of an anticlimax, I know, but that's how my life has always been since the desire overtook me; consumed my very being.
I wrote this in the hopes that others would come forward with their stories. I am not ready for Vampirism for at least another six years, but I need to know what drives others. Above all, I want to know how you maintain hope when life gives no evidence to say that life is not what it seems.
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